Sweet Revenge
by dave-d
Summary: In the he final moments of the fight against Akatsuki, the Kyuubi is almost set free. Naruto managed to prevent the catastrophe... for the most part. There's trouble brewing in fox form.
1. Chapter 1

The smell had him grimacing, as he woke up.

Betadine ointment. The contents of his Foley catheter bag. The hospital breakfast that some unfortunate soul was faced with one or two rooms over. Those were _not_ the odors from his dream.

"Damn." Naruto frowned, looking around the room. The Hospital again! Great! Wonderful! How long would he be in _this_ time? "But, it could have been worse." He muttered unhappily, thinking back to his dream. He had been eating Ramen. All of the girls in the village had been lined up, wearing outfits taken from his favorite anime shows. They were bringing him an endless supply of noodles.

The fantasy was definitely better than the last waking moments of reality that he could remember. The battle with Akatsuki had been in its final closing moments. He and the other Leaf shinobi had all done so well, but were each in desperate straights after a series of hard fought skirmishes. That's when the Akatsuki leader had struck out at Naruto with one last desperation move. If their organization couldn't use the Kyuubi's power to their own end, they would break the seal and release the beast.

Had the Nine Tails gotten loose, the youma would have made a mad dash towards Konoha, slavering jaws open in anticipation. Its retribution would have been a terrible thing to see. The demon fox would not be caught by the same trick twice! The fact that the hospital was intact… and Naruto was there, hooked up to IVs and monitoring equipment… was a good indication that the monster had never been set free.

"_Hah!_ Ero-sennin said that I wouldn't survive, if I used that jutsu." Naruto yawned and then put both hands behind his neck. One IV pole almost toppled over when he accidentally tugged hard on the line. An equipment lead fell off of his arm when the tape holding it peeled away from his skin. "But, I guess it worked." He swallowed hard. He peaked under his blanket and checked to see if he was intact. Every important piece of anatomy was still there.

The forbidden technique had thwarted the Akatsuki leader's efforts. But, it had affected Naruto's mind in a strange way. He remembered having a hallucination, one that seemed so real. Kyuubi had managed to escape from behind his navel, but only in part. After Naruto had thrown the remainder of his own chakra into his own efforts, he collapsed, his vision blurry and his breath coming in great gasps. For a moment, he had seen what seemed to be…

"What the?" Naruto jerked his legs. Something warm had brushed against them. Wondering if he was dreaming again, he watched as something burrowed under his blanket like a mole in shallow soil. He grimaced as he felt something prick his belly and chest. A nose poked out from under the edge of his blanket. "This_ can't_ be real!"

Naruto threw the blanket onto the floor with one sweep of his arm. His eyes widened. No way! _No f-cking way!_ There was a fox sitting on his chest, now busying itself with a brief bit of grooming. Maybe the vision he had seen in that cave had been real after all!

"I thought you looked stupid from the inside." The fox had a high-pitched voice. It frowned in vulpine fashion, realizing just how comical it sounded. "If the Fourth Hokage wasn't already dead, I would kill him for sealing me into someone so pitiful. I'm going to get my vengeance on _you_, insect, for preventing my escape."

"B-B-But…" Naruto rubbed his eyes. The fox was still there. "_How…"_ It was that jutsu. Somehow the portion of Kyubbi's essence that managed to escape had taken on a form of its own. However, he somehow sensed that there was still some connection to the demon inside of him. The small form was not a separate entity. "You should be happy to be out at all, even a small part of you!"

"It is _not_ the place of one such as you to instruct one such as me about what I should or should not do." The fox looked somewhat haughty. "I shall go forth and eat, terrorizing this puling village in whatever small way I can. It has been sixteen years since I have fed." The fox laughed, until the sound of its own laughter made it cringe. "You won't be happy that a part of me roams free. _I can promise you that!"_

"Oh yeh?" Naruto sat up abruptly, sending the fox tumbling. "I'll ring your scrawny little neck before you can make your way back inside me, or find your way out of this sick house!" He grabbed for the fox, getting a firm grip around its neck. **"_Shit!"_** The small partial-Kyuubi avatar sank its teeth into a tender spot of his hand.

The fox jumped out of reach, standing much the way the full-sized demon had whenever it called out a challenge. "I wish I could kill you and eat you! But, that would be the end of me too." It snarled. "But, there are parts of you that I _can_ remove without killing you." Grabbing hold of the Foley catheter bag with its teeth, it jumped off of the bed. The catheter was pulled out of Naruto's privates with the balloon still inflated. "Now, I just need to gnaw that small thing off of you…"

"**Ouch! Crap!"** Naruto's eyes teared up. _That hurt!_ "Little bastard fox. There's no place for you to run." He slid out of bed, aching all over. Lunging after the fox, he knocked an IV pole over. Grabbing for the retreating form, he ran head first into a large monitor, falling hard to his rump, seeing stars. Picking up his bedpan, he threw it, scoring a direct hit. "Yeh!" Wanting to keep from getting bitten again, he picked up his blanket, intending to throw it over the fox. "I'm going to have you made into a pair of fuzzy slippers."

"What's going on in here?" That was Tsunade's voice. She opened the door to the room.

"No, Old Lady! Don't open the door." Naruto shouted. _"The fox…"_

Before Naruto could stop it, the Kyuubi fox ran right past the Hokage, who had her eyes on Naruto and the mess that he had made of his room.

"Fox? What are you talking about?" Tsunade walked over to look at Naruto's chart. "Are you hallucinating again? Shizune said you were talking rather strangely when Kakashi brought you in."

"No! I'm _not_ seeing things. That jutsu I used… it kept Kyuubi sealed… but not all of him." He saw the fox peak back into the room. "There! By the door! Too slow, Granny."

When Tsunade turned to look, the fox was no longer visible. "That's enough of that. I want you to lay down in bed. No more excitement today." The Hokage motioned towards the hospital bed.

"Well then… I guess a blow job is out of the question, then… _right?"_ That was Naruto's voice. But, it hadn't been him who spoke. The Kyuubi fox had the ability to change its voice, if not its shape. As Kyuubi's consciousness had spent long years inside of Naruto, it knew everything that he knew, having seen and heard everything that he had. While 'blow job' was not a word a demon such as the Nine Tails would use in all its glory, it fit the situation perfectly.

"**_WHAT!"_** Tsunade balled one of her hands into a fist.

Naruto swallowed hard.

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A/N:

is just a teaser. I'll work on this story more, someday.


	2. Chapter 2

The loud clatter of pots and pans could be heard.

"_Stop that dam thing!"_ The Ramen chef sounded frantic.

"How'd it get in here?" The serving girl joined the assistant cook in a mad chase after a speeding fox. The small creature dragged a pork haunch out into the dining area, and then began jumping from table top to table top, knocking plates and bowls into customer's laps.

"**Look out!"** A second server lost her footing when the other two restaurant hands rounded a corner and slammed into her. The fox climbed up on top of the pile of people and spilt food, snarling in victory.

"Hey…" _Ooo-oo-o-o-o-…"_ A woman jumped up out of her seat, after the furry troublemaker dashed up under her skirt and tugged on her undergarments.

"Is this any way to treat your best customers?" One man stood up and shook an angry fist at the shop owner, after the busy fox had sat down right in the middle of his Soba and Crab.

"**No!** These are new shoes!" A woman kicked off her expensive sandals after the mischievous animal pissed all over them.

The Kyuubi avatar chuckled. Back in the hospital, the remainder of the fox demon felt a great sense of satisfaction. Things were going splendidly. Bit by bit, it would chip away at the world that Naruto had built for himself.

The chase continued. Finally, the fox ran out a back door into a narrow alley. The panting and food-covered pursuers all slid to a stop by the doorway. Their ordeal was finally over. Listening, they heard two voices, one of them quite familiar.

"Well, that was hilarious!" The one voice sounded like a teenage boy. None of the listeners could put a face to that voice. "Payback's a bitch, right?"

"_You bet!"_ That was Uzumaki's Naruto's voice. "Last week the old geezer and his ugly daughter kept shortchanging me. Everyone one else kept getting more noodles in their bowls than me. I told them, but they just rubbed my head and said I was imagining things."

"Old geezer?" The shop owner clenched his hands into fists.

"_Ugly daughter?"_ The one serving girl scowled, shaking her head angrily.

"**That boy won't be coming in our store again!"** The head cook banged a ladle hard against the door frame.

Hearing those responses, the Kyuubi avatar smiled a fox smile and scampered off towards Naruto's dormitory room. There would be no way to get in through conventional means. A fox form was not much good at opening doors. But, the boy always left his kitchen window open, with just the screen in place. A quick chakra-aided run up a drain pipe… a leap to the balcony… a careful crawl along a decorative brick ledge… and the vengeful creature would be able to chew its way into the building.

When it made its way into the apartment, the Kyuubi avatar smiled in anticipation. The kind of mess it would make would be a mark of petulance in the total demonic entity. But, it was quite acceptable for a small offshoot. Leaping, crawling, and skittering about, the fox did whatever it could to disrupt thing. The refrigerator was left open. Clothes were pulled off the rack and shredded. Anime discs and manga volumes were tossed out the kitchen window. Pillow cases served as the small creature's toilet.

"_Bastard fox,_ he calls me." The Kyuubi avatar grabbed a milk carton in his teeth, walking it through the living room area and leaving a trail of white liquid. That would stink when it spoiled. "Asks me for chakra, knowing that I don't have any choice." Jumping, it caught hold of the pin-up calendar that Naruto had received as a gift from Jiraiya. Soon, a pile of torn paper strips sat on top of a small armchair. "I have to listen to all the stupid things that he says and does!" More havoc followed.

Sitting back on its haunches, tongue lolling out of its mouth, the fox scratched itself for a moment. Nodding its furry head, ears twitching, it thought up more deviltries. Countless items were strewn across the messy room. Some of those items might prove very incriminating, left at the scene of mischief. That ridiculous night cap. Scraps of that hideous orange and black jumpsuit. Those instant Ramen packages. _So many possibilities!_

After making its way back to the street, the Kyuubi avatar decided on its next prank. It wasn't too far from the Girl's Dorm. Running in that direction, it stopped and hid behind a number of garbage cans. Those humans! It recognized them. The fools were friends of Uzumaki Naruto. Concentrating, it accessed Naruto's memories again.

"Where is that Shikamaru?" Ino asked, unaware that a small furry form was shadowing her, Choji, and the group of genin they were told to train that day. "He'd better not be sitting somewhere staring at the clouds again."

"He might be over at the filed already," Choji offered. "You know, over by the shinobi monument." After the rotund ninja said that, the entire group headed up one of the paths leading to the training site.

"This will do." The fox rushed ahead. As it ran, the small beast thought up various possibilities. The mind of a teenage boy was fertile ground for mischief. Any number of ideas would do quite nicely.

When Choji, Ino, and the genin began walking through the clearing, the Kyuubi avatar began imitating voices again. "Hey! We shouldn't be doing this here!" That was Shikamaru's voice. Or so it seemed.

"No one will come up here today. There are no sessions scheduled. I just can't wait any longer." That was Naruto's voice. "You said you loved me. Was that a lie?"

"But what if Choji and Ino find out?" Shikamaru's voice said. "I might not be able to convince them to keep things secret."

"What makes you think that those assholes will find out? Ino is so stupid, she can't tie her own shoes. That's why she always wears sandals. And Choji? That pork ball will believe anything you tell him, as long as you buy him some food to shove down his gullet!"

"Oh. You're probably right. Be gentle with me…" After finishing with that charade, the fox ran off laughing, dragging a small trash bag full of items that it had pilfered from Naruto's room. That one would be hard to live down!

What next? The Dorms? _No!_ The trail the Kyuubi avatar had chosen would bring it near the apartment complex that Sasuke lived in. He was isolated from the rest of the shinobi, living under constant observation until the Hokage was certain that he could be trusted again. He wouldn't be home at this time. Might there be something in his home to screw with?

This was a much more difficult mission. Leaping from balcony to balcony, bag held between its pointy little teeth, the fox was careful to avoid the small security cameras. Making its way to the roof, the small animal crawled into a large ventilation shaft. Sniffing as it crept along, it eventually located Uchiha Sasuke's apartment.

Everything was so neat. That was easy enough to remedy. There was a small picture of the old Team Seven on the windowsill. Somehow that got broken. Covering the table in the kitchen were stacks of hand-written papers. Reading a number of pages, the fox knew that it had found a great bounty. The Fifth had given Sasuke an assignment. He had to research every significant event that took place in the village during the days that he was A.W.O.L. It was his task to write a complete summary, while also detailing the events that he had witnessed in Orochimaru's stronghold.

"It must have taken him a long time to write all this," the fox said, chuckling. _"Too damn bad!"_ In less than a minute, the papers were scattered, town, and crumpled. Before making its way back outside, the fox took a package of instant Ramen and dropped it under the table.

Finished with Sasuke's things, the fox paid a visit to Kakashi's residence. Inside the small sparsely decorated apartment, it found a special treasure sitting under a glass case. It was a First Edition of the first _Ich Icha_ book. Next to it, still in its wrapping, was the newest of Jiraiya's publications, waiting to be read.

"Reading this kind of thing would make him go blind," the Kyuubi avatar quipped. "So, let's do our part to help the Copy Ninja."

Neither book was recognizable when the fox was done with its mischief. The small scrap of orange clothing that was snagged on the broken glass would be easy to identify. To arrange a plausible motive, the avatar searched through a number of drawers, dragging out a duty roster that had enraged Naruto earlier. The boy had been assigned to guard a group of civilian girls on a flower picking expedition. After that, he was expected to help them press the flowers. It was his turn for a _D-class_ mission, while Kakashi, Saskura, and Sasuke would be off on a _B-class_ one.

"This is fun!" The Kyuubi avatar barked a few times, and then forced itself to be silent. In some ways, this petty trouble was as much fun as the rampaging destruction that the Nine Tails was famous for. Humans made certain to guard their village against other Nations, and their homes against intruders. But, they were woefully unprepared for a fox with a grudge. "That idiot boy always wants attention. "It snickered, thinking what Naruto was in for. "He'll have more attention than he knows what to do with…"

After savaging Kakshi's pride and joy, the fox struck Gai's apartment down the hall, rendering a number of green stretchy suits into dust rags and wash cloths.

"OK girls! Your turn!" Time for the Leaf's most unpredictable ninja, and its newest pervert, to stop by and saw howdy.

The Girl's residence was simple enough to get into. Sneaking about the place, careful not to be spotted, the fox took note of the layout. There were a number of things that he could do here. It was simply a matter of patience.

"**Come on girls, time to hit the showers!"** That was Ten Ten. She had led a group of genin girls back to the building. They were finished with their physical raining, and needed to head over to the classrooms fro some didactics. "Hang all your dirty stuff up on the clothesline in the washroom. One of the laundresses will be picking it up within the hour."

The Kyuubi avatar rubbed its paws together. Its next move would be devastating. The girls were I for a rather unexpected visit, or so it would sound.

"Anyone have a new conditioner?" One girl called out, as the whole group of them stood under large mass showers.

"I do!" Another girl replied. "Anyone have some moisturizing bath lotion."

"Me!" Ten Ten said. "It will make our skin silky smooth."

"Can _I _try?" The fox called out in Naruto's voice. "See Konohamaru, I told you that there would be a great chance to see some nice booty!" Why not embellish a bit. "Ero-sennin would kill to be here with us. Get the camera ready."

Shouts, shrieks, and gasps could be heard en mass. "You… you… you…" Ten Ten's voice grew angrier with each 'You.'

"**Panty Raid!"** The avatar shouted in Konohamaru's voice. Smiling a vulpine smile, it jumped up, gnaws through the rope, and began gathering the bras and panties that fell to the floor. Snickering, it left Naruto's night cap behind.

"So you want to be Hokage some day…" The fox ran off towards the hospital. "Well, don't count on it…" Filled with anticipation, the vindictive offshoot of the imprisoned youma kept thinking up nasty tricks. There were people to be told about Kyuubi, who didn't already know. It might be difficult, but maybe the town council members could overhear Uzumaki Naruto planning to set the demon free or run off to become an S-class criminal. There were a few Ramen restaurants that hadn't had the pleasure of a special visit. So much to do. _So much to do!_

Rushing under a long work platform, the avatar heard a number of angry voices coming from the street. _Wonderful!_ The birds of dischord were coming home to roost earlier than it had expected. Fluffed-out tail trailing behind it, the small animal kicked things into overdrive. It would never do, if the disgruntled individuals reached Naruto's room before it did!

Once again, the fox used all manners of concealment to make its way to Naruto's room. Crawling up linen chutes. Hiding under medication carts and food wagons. Pitpatting inside the central air conditioning system. Peering out from behind the grate leading to Naruto's room, it took note of the boy's condition.

Naruto was still hooked up to a number of monitors. There were more cards and flowers on the windowsill than earlier. The television was on, turned to an anime network. Licking its fur, the Kyuubi avatar prepared to use another one of its tricks. Not only could it imitate voices, it could also throw its speech. Pushing open the grating, it dropped the girly underwear down to the floor below. The boy was too engrossed to notice.

The door burst open. Ten Ten marched in, the night cap in her hand. A number of girls with wet unfixed hair crowded behind her, murder in their eyes.

"I don't know how you managed to sneak out," Ten Ten said. "But, it's a good thing that you're already in hospital." She cracked her knuckles. "Your little scheme might have worked, had you been clever enough to keep your mouth shut!"

"**Pervert!"** A number of the girls had spoken at the same time. _"Jerk!"_

"Huh?" Naruto frowned. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"Don't play dumb," Ten Ten said. "You know what you did. Sneaking into the Girl's Dorm. Peaking in on our shower. Stealing that clothing."

"He did that too?" Gai walked into the room, a torn and dirtied green suit in one hand and a noodle pack in the other. **_"AHHHHH!_** To think that the burning spirit of youth could grow so dim. It pains me to see one with such promise, fall into the clutches of depravity. I blame Kakashi, of course."

"What?" Naruto sat up in his bed. He scratched his head, wondering what was going on. Ino and Choji peaked around the door frame. There were a number of people there that he recognized from his favorite noodle dens. They were roughly shoved aside by Sasuke, who wore a face that would have caused Itachi to shiver.

"Look! Sensei!" One of the genin girls tugged on Ten Ten's sleeve and then pointed over at the small jumble of undergarments.

"Oh! And I suppose _those_ are yours," Ten Ten asked, taking a step into the room, pushed by the growing mass of people at her back.

"They could be!" That was Ino. She sounded angry and disgusted at the same time. "After what Choji and I overheard."

"I know that you were angry when you went out to track down the remainder of the Nine, while I stayed behind. I told you that was not my decision." Sasuke was seething. The Hokage and Kakasshi had not allowed him to go on missions with Team Kakashi right after he returned to Konoha.

"Ho! Kakashi. My old rival. Are you here to check up on the actions of your student?" Gai called out to the Copy Ninja as he walked up to join the throng. "Was it your idea? Never would I have thought that you would stoop so low."

"Yo! Gai." That was Kakshi's voice. Naruto couldn't catch sight of his teacher. "You received a visit too?"

"It looks like Naruto was busy," Ten Ten said.

"What are you all talking about?" Naruto grasped the edge of his woolen blanket tightly. Could that damn Kyuubi fragment have carried out its threats somehow? "I've been in the hospital since returning from my mission!"

"_No he hasn't!"_ The fox imitated Sakaura's voice, making it sound as if she was behind a partition leading to the adjacent room. "Naruto's lying. He was gone a majority of the time I've been on shift. No one knew where he went."

"That's right!" This time, the avatar used Shizune's voice. "Not only that, I also saw a large number of Naruto clones rushing away from the hospital when I was coming in. Who knows what they were up to?"

"B-… B-… But…" Naruto looked around the room, looking for any sign of that damn fox. "But, that's all bullshit. I'm too injured to get out of bed and run anywhere!"

"**WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?"** That was Tsunade's shout. **"THIS IS A HOSPITAL, _NOT_ A SOCIAL CLUB! VISITING HOURS ARE OVER!"**

Everyone spoke up at once. There were still more angry people joining the crowd, which now extending a good ways up the corridor in both directions. Threats form the Hokage had everyone clearing a path for her.

"What kind of nonsense is it _this_ time?" Tsunade asked. She was still miffed about Naruto's earlier behavior.

"_Nothing,_ Old Lady!" Naruto answered. "These guys all just showed up, saying I've done things that I didn't do! I think it's that fox. It's…" He couldn't say 'It's part of Kyuubi and it has it in for me'. Not with all those people listening to what he said.

"Don't go back to that stupid excuse! A fox? You can do better than _that."_ The Hokage held up one finger. "Either your head injuries are worse than I thought, or you're becoming a worse liar than my hairy old teammate. I knew I never should have allowed you to train with him."

"That's right! He's a pervert!" A number of the girls called out. "He was peeping!"

"It's worse than you might think," Choji said.

"That's enough of that," Tsunade said firmly. "I need to get to the bottom of things."

"Bottom of things?" The Kyuubi avatar imitated Naruto's voice. "With all those people watching?" It hoped than no one noticed that the boy's lips weren't moving. "You're not going to suck me off _again_, are you?"

"**_ARRRGGGHHH!"_** The Hokage's growl almost caused the fox to wet itself. Everyone else jumped, flinched, or quickly backed out of the way.

"It wasn't me…" Naruto swallowed hard. "It just… uhhh… sounded like me…" What was he going to do?

"Take a number, everyone." The fox whispered to itself, pleased with the day's work.


	3. Chapter 3

The lights were turned low.

Only the sound of a supply cart with a squeaky wheel could be heard from Naruto's room.

Night shift personnel were at work, and visitor hours were long over. It was the middle of the night, and the small hospital staff didn't notice a fox running through the hallways. A temporary janitor did, however. Immediately thereafter, he walked over to a water fountain and poured out his flask of Sake.

Feeling its tail drag, the Kyuubi avatar realized that it needed to rejoin with the demon, in order to regain any semblance of strength and vitality. Pausing at the crack of the door it nosed open, it listened carefully. The boy seemed to be asleep.

Creeping towards the bed, it flattened its ears, grinning a feral grin. There was another threat it had made. Acting quickly enough, it might be able to give the hated boy a head start towards becoming a eunuch.

One step. Two steps. Three more steps. The fox slowly crept along the cover. As Naruto rolled over, the blanket fell off of him, exposing the target area. _Perfect!_ Just a quick snap of the jaws and some fierce pulling and…

"**Got you!"** Naruto grabbed the Kyuubi avatar with both hands, intending to wrap its snout up in his blanket. The bite wound he had on his hand still hurt something awful. "I figured that you might try and sneak back in here!"

"No… no… no… _nonono_…" The fox pushed with all its might. It wasn't going to take the same tack as before. Whipping its tail around, it made contact with Naruto's abdomen, just above the navel. "See you, moron!"

Naruto cursed. It felt as if he had been holding smoke at the end. The damned thing had become incorporeal, merging back with his body.

"**Damn!"** Naruto struck his bed in frustration. "Stupid bastard motherf-…" He bit his tongue. "That little pest is even worse than the big one." She scratched one armpit. "Well, I guess they're all one in the same." He lay back down. There was something he could try.

Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath. Thoughts turned inward, he found himself walking the familiar dingy corridors of his mind, tromping off towards the Nine Tail's enclosure.

"Hey! Bastard fox! _Wake up!"_ Naruto kicked at the massive bars. He looked around. Did the smaller fox join up with the massive demon, too? Or might it be running free inside the hallways. If it was, the little sucker would be smacked around and turned into a hand puppet if Naruto had his way. "Shit!" There was a sharp pain in one ankle.

"Idiot!" The fox form ran between Naruto's legs and disappeared into the darkness of the youma's cell.

"I hate that thing!" Naruto clenched his fists.

"**IT GIVES ME GREAT PLEASURE TO SEE YOU SUFFER."**

"Oh yeh! That's really big of you!" Naruto pressed his face against the bars, wishing he could get inside and kick the demon fox's ass. "The great Kyuubi. Around longer than people have been. Doing petty shit like this. Boy, you must be so proud!"

"Dumb ass!" The high-pitched squeaky fox voice called out.

"**I SAID THAT I WOULD EAT YOU, IF I COULD. STILL UNABLE TO DO SO, I WILL CONSUME YOUR PITIFUL EXISTENCE IN OTHER WAYS."**

"So, you're still pissed at me for not letting you get out?" Naruto chuckled, feeling a modicum of control. "What was I thinking? How many chances will I get to have a evil, selfish, lame ass demon get free and chow down on me the way I slurp up noodles?" He snarled. "It was a once in a lifetime opportunity. You can be sure of _that, _fuzzball!"

"Don't bet on it!" The Kyuubi avatar said. "As long as I can keep leaving and returning, there's a chance that more of me can. Maybe next time I can drag a few more foxes out with me!"

"**NOTHING LASTS FOREVER, INSECT. YOUR DAY OF RECKONING WILL COME. I SWEAR THAT TO YOU."**

"Crap!" Naruto remarked. "Let me swear something to you both… I mean, to you in two parts… _whatever._ I'll die before I let that happen. If that little furry skid mark keeps messing with my life… or bites off more than I want him to chew… you take away my reasons to keep going. The next time I face off against someone like Itachi or Orochimaru, I just may go out in a really big bang!"

"Bullshit!" The squeaky fox voice said.

"**YOUR WILL TO SUCCEED IS TOO STRONG, PITIFUL ONE. UP UNTIL THE END, YOU WILL ALWAYS HAVE HOPE. THAT'S WHAT MAKES YOU WEAK."**

"Keep yapping your gums, inmate. It's easy to talk big behind doors. Anything that the little fleabag breaks, I can fix. That's what happens when you have true friends. Don't you have hope yourself? Doesn't that make you weak too? What you're doing is nothing different than my painting graffiti on the Stone Faces. That was childish stuff. But I'm bigger than that now."

"You had fun when you did it, cry baby!" The avatar voice said.

"Yeh, I guess I did." Naruto nodded his head. "You know, if the damn fox comes out of me again, I'm going to catch it. If I do that, I will have all the proof I ever need." He sighed. None of his tricks would work as long as Kyuubi had access to his thoughts, and the fox had access to the large demon's consciousness.

"**KEEP MAKING YOUR EMPTY THREATS. YOUR CLAIMS WILL MAKE THINGS ALL THAT MORE SATISFYING WHEN YOU FAIL. YOU WILL PAY THE PRICE FOR THE SINS OF THE YELLOW FLASH."**

"Maybe I will," Naruto said, frowning. It was bad enough being hated by the villagers because of what the Fourth had done. Getting grief from Kyuubi just made things worse. He wished there was some way to make things a two-way street with that blasted demon. "Of course, from where I stand, it looks like _you_ are the sinner. You didn't get put behind bars because you're a nice little doggie." He grinned. "Although the small little fellow _is_ kind of cute."

"I'll show you cute!" The fox form sounded angry and insulted. _"Doggie!"_

"**THIS IS POINTLESS. YOU ARE INTERRUPTING MY SLUMBER. THE LONGER YOU STAY, THE WEAKER YOUR BODY WILL BECOME. THE WEAKER YOU BECOME, THE SOONER YOU WILL FALL ASLEEP."**

"Shit!" Naruto rubbed his neck. The stupid demon was right. And, if he fell asleep, know knows what the little son of a bitch might do to him? "You're right! Thanks for showing me your cards, loser. I guess I will have to take drastic measures, as soon as I'm strong enough." He smiled. "The little bastard needs to join up with you every once in a while, huh? Well, when I'm strong enough, I'll try that jutsu again, seeing if I can lock him in there with you. Maybe I can make another cage in my mind, one with a little hamster wheel in it."

"You… you… you…" The avatar began barking in anger. "Just you wait…"

Things became very foggy. Naruto didn't need to walk to some figurative exit. He slowly transitioned back to his normal consciousness. Now, it was a waiting game. The longer the fox waited to leave again, the stronger Naruto would be thanks to Kyuubi's own healing powers. But, the longer things took, the more tired he would be, and there would be a greater chance of him dozing off.

"I've got to get proof. That way, Granny will assign people to catch the damn thing." Naruto punched his pillow. "She's _got_ to believe me. If things can get worse, and more of the demon can get out…" It was a scary thought.

The yawning ninja did everything he could to stay awake. But, more and more, his eyelid fluttered or grew heavy. He risked using up some of his chakra, creating clones to baby sit him during quick catnaps. But, they never knew when they might disappear, so there was a risk involved. The last thing he wanted to do was wake up singing soprano.

"See you, loser!" The fox exited his body like a small orange whisp of chakra before taking form. It gave up ideas of physical retribution, choosing to do more mischief.

"_Who's_ the loser!" Naruto had managed to shield his thoughts from Kyuubi for a bit, making the great demon think he was asleep. **"Get him!"** A clone stepped out from behind a drawn curtain, grabbing the fox by the tail. In a swift motion, too fast for Naruto to follow, it brought a knife around and cut of the avatar's tail. "There's my proof! Now wring the little jerk's neck."

The fox may have looked like a common fox. But, it was anything but. It was still a demon, even if it was only part of the Nine Tails. It began gathering up its strength, needing to escape before it was too late.

"Hey!" Naruto laughed. "I got Nine Tails in here…" He rubbed his belly. "You got _No Tails_ there…" He gave his clone a thumbs up.

"**_Wrong!"_** The avatar squirted out of the Naruto clone's grasp. Speeding like a furry missile, it leaped and broke through the window, tumbling unharmed to the street below.

"Damn!" Naruto thought about sending more clones after the fox, but couldn't spare the energy. "Hah! But at least we still have the tail." He spoke to soon.

No longer attached to the avatar, the furry little pennant faded away into nothing. A few moments later, Shizune ran into the room. "What happened?" She looked over at the broken window. "How…"

"It was a fox demon," Naruto said, feeling sheepish and angry at the same time. Tsunade's assistant probably wouldn't believe him either. "Kyuubi can split out some of his essence now, running around to cause trouble. The Old Lady won't believe me. No one will take a message to Jiraiya."

"I see," Shizune said. "That mysterious fox. I've been told about that." She sighed. "Naruto, if you keep this up, I'm going to have to sedate you. One more 'fox,' and I put you to sleep."

"But…" Naruto gripped his hospital gown tightly, wanting to shout. "Ask _him_…" Before the clone could say anything, it disappeared in a puff of smoke. He was screwed and tattooed. If he didn't convince anyone to help him with the fox, he was_ so_ dead! But, if he so much as said the word 'fox', they would put him under, and the damn furry bastard could do whatever it wanted to him.

It would be up to him. Somehow, he needed to come up with a plan, while keeping Kyuubi ignorant of the details. It wouldn't be easy. But, he had no other choice. The damn demon was probably withholding some of its chakra, prolonging the healing process. He had no idea when he might get discharged. If they thought he was acting strangely, the medical staff would hold him longer for observation.

"I'll be good," Naruto said. "Will you tuck me in?" That was more like his usual self.

"No, I think not." Shizune shook a finger at him. "Not after some of the things that you've said to Tsunade."

"But…" Naruto bit his lip. There was no way he could convince Shizune that he was telling the truth. "I wasn't myself, I guess…"

"Oh… but it looks like you'll have some company anyway…" Shizune was looking out in the hallway.

"_Really?"_ Naruto's eyes widened. Who would visit him in the early morning? Maybe Kakashi was bringing him some special reading material. No, probably not. He was one of the people angry at him. Might it be Sakura or one of the other girls, bringing him some kind of snacks before going on duty? Well, maybe not, if word had gotten around.

Ton Ton waddled into the room. "Bwee _Bwee-e-e-e_…" The pig jumped up into a chair, settled in, and started watching TV.

"Swell," Naruto said.


	4. Chapter 4

Despite the fact that it was a dreary day, plenty of people had weathered the storm.

The main rooms of the village's largest book store and video store combined was crowded with customers. Many of who were dripping water onto the colorful tile floor.

"Mommy, I just saw a fox." A little girl pointed towards the archway that led to the Adults section.

"A fox?" The young mother affectionately patted the hair of her daughter. "You mean the picture of a fox?" She looked over to wear her child was pointing. "Or was it a woman dressed up as a fox?" The store might be holding one of its Cosplay tournaments again.

"A _fox,_ mommy!" The little girl shook her head. What was it with parents? Why did she have to keep repeating herself? "A cute little fox. But, he didn't have a tail!"

"Oh. Ok. Maybe it was somebody's pet." The woman returned to leafing through the newest periodicals while her daughter busied herself with some of the communal toys in the play area.

The Kyuubi avatar, wet hair plastered against its body, had jumped inside of one woman's voluminous shopping bag when she sat it down to adjust her umbrella. Once inside the store, it had made its way into the Over-18 section of the establishment, seen only by one small human child.

"This is the kind of stuff the stupid pervert wouldn't let the boy watch." The fox shook its head. The Kyuubi had plenty of memories of the boy and his hairy teacher peaking in on live and unsuspecting naked women; but, the Legendary Sannin wouldn't let the boy follow that up with Adult literature or movies. But, the owners and customers of this shop didn't know that.

One by one, the sneaky creature rushed out, grabbed a book or videotape in its mouth, and then ran to drop it into a trash bin or kick it under a large cabinet. After it had removed a fair number of rentals, the real fun started. It accessed Kyuubi's memory on Naruto's friends, getting enough information to imitate voices.

"Hey! Kiba! How about _'Kathy Does Konoha?' _Have you seen that one yet?" The avatar imitated Naruto's voice.

"No," the fox answered in Kiba's voice. "Neither has Akamaru. But, the guy won't let us check that out!"

"Shit! The storekeeper is a dumb ass!" That was Naruto's voice again. "Do you think that he can stop Uzumaki Naruto?" Naruto laughed. "Besides, I buy so much anime and manga here, the guy won't even suspect me."

The fox had to keep moving around, so no one could see it, and no one could wonder why Naruto's voice was there, but there was no sign of the boy himself.

"Oooh! _'Shinobi Girls Gone Bad!'_ That's a keeper!" The Naruto voice chuckled. "Put that one in the bag, too." There was a pause. "Yeh! _'Doggy Style Deluxe.'_ Perfect for you guys. Wow! _'Hentai Hokages.'_ Got to have it. "The fox continued to rattle off the title of videos, before doing the same in the manga and magazine section.

Some of the customers thought it was funny. Others remembered being teenagers themselves. But, some grew upset and went to complain to store clerks and the owner. Hearing that, the avatar grinned. _Mission accomplished!_ Now, it needed to incriminating evidence. After chewing off the security strip on the back of one X-rated manga, it ran and jumped back into the woman's bag, just as she was preparing to head back out into the rain.

Running around rapidly forming puddles, the sopping little animal ran along the streets of Konoha, looking for other opportunities. It slid to a halt, watching as a number of jounin walked past, complaining about the weather. One of them was Mitarashi Anko. The avatar shivered, accessing some of Naruto's memories. That woman was fit to be a fox demon! Since she was headed out on a short patrol, her belongings would be left unguarded.

On the way to Anko's apartment, the fox struck at a number of grocery stores that Naruto frequented when he shopped for Instant Ramen. When the beast was done, Naruto's name was mud with even more merchants. Needing to indulge its appetite, the furry little troublemaker ran out the back door of a butcher ship, a long string of lamb sausages in its mouth. _This was the life!_ Too bad it had to keep joining up with the imprisoned demon.

"Wonder if I could work out a deal?" The fox sat on its haunches, chewing on its pilfered bounty. "If that stupid boy did perform his jutsu again, maybe things could be more permanent. Maybe I could become my own creature!" It yelped. Kyuubi had heard that. Well, technically _it_ was Kyuubi, too. In any case, the Nine Tails was not about to settle for small potatoes. Besides, the idiot child would never agree to any bargain. That freaking Ninja Way of his! "I owe him for my tail, anyway…"

Gaining access to Anko's building was no more difficult than getting into Gai's and Kakashi's complex. If any of the idiots had believed the boy, things might not have been so simple. But, no one was on the look out for an evil rampaging tailless fox. Nobody had put jury-rigged screen covers over vents, downspouts, or chimneys.

Sparing a few moments to frolic and play in the jounin's lingerie drawer, the Kyuubi avatar roamed the darkened rooms in search of things to destroy. It hit the jackpot after opening one large closet. The wall held a number of whips, each with a shiny golden placard to tell what country it came from, and what time period it represented. The fox smiled. _Chew toys!_

"Damn!" The fox tried to use its tongue to push some leather out from between its teeth. That wasn't why it was annoyed. It had carried along the manga, but had no other Naruto-evidence to leave behind. Well, it would just have to carry some whip fragments in addition to the book.

After leaving Anko's home in a complete shambles, the fox made its way back to the hospital, glad that the rain had stopped. Making its way back up to Naruto's room, the little beast had taken a different rout, running up a rickety old fire escape and crawling along a large hospital sign. Fortunately, no one had repaired the break in the window yet.

Leaping to the floor silently, it avoided the boy's attention. He was leaning over a cup of instant noodles, slurping them in while he watched the television. The fox thought about making some kind of parting remark, but didn't want to give Naruto any reason to think it had been back. It would be best if he did not discover the copy of _'Horny Hospital Hotties'_ that was sitting under his bed.

Where to next? A little reconnoitering might be in order. Patience and two keen fox ears might lead to the perfect way to ruin that blasted boy's life even more. Of course, a quick stop in another bakery might be a good idea too. Who would have guessed that a demon avatar would have a horrendous sweet tooth?

Wandering throughout the village, the fox happened upon a good idea, overhearing to elders speaking. It would have to hurry. There was a need to return to Naruto's apartment, to gather up some of his things. Rifling through Naruto's possessions again, the fox looked under his bed. It seemed that the Frog Hermit had _not_ been able to prevent his student from buying a few naughty magazines while he and the boy trained away from Konoha. Those would do nicely. So would a few of the boy's undergarments. And, one of the more or less intact whips back at Anko's place.

Moving with all speed, the fox carried a sack full of sundry items up along the outside of the administrative building. By stroke of good fortune, the Hokage had left her double window wide open. No doubt she was in the process of escorting the most important elder council members to her room at that very moment. When they all walked in, they would see something unexpected.

"Let's put a magazine here," the avatar said, placing one magazine in the middle of the floor. "Another here…" A second publication ended up on the Fifth's desk. "Here…" A third one was placed over on a long couch, along with one pair of monogrammed boxer shorts. Another pair of shorts was draped over the arm of the Hokage's chair, right next to the whip.

"If you'll all follow me, gentlemen…" That was Tsunade's voice.

"**Bingo!"** The Kyuubi avatar left the same way it had come in. Another happy victim! What was that insipid saying? 'Good things come in small packages.' Wrong! _Bad _things come in small packages.

Making its way off of the streets and onto one of the wooded paths, the fox wondered if it should seek out anyone in particular, or rely on the vagaries of fate. It sat a moment, washing its paws. Although it had full access to Naruto's memories, the fox… and Kyuubi proper… were not limited by the boy's clueless nature. Some things that eluded Naruto's notice were quite obvious to the Nine Tails. The earlier saying gave way to a wicked idea. Small packages. Good things. _Hinata Hyuuga_.

"Hah!" The fox barked a quick laugh and did a somersault. ""This will be fun!" Not only could it do something to Hinata to change the way that she felt, it could also make certain that the stupid boy realized just how the girl had once felt about him, after it joined up with Kyuubi again. _Delicious!_

First, the fox made a brief stop at Asuma's place. It sniffed about the entire set of rooms, finding all of the jounin's cigarettes. All of the packs ended up shredded, including a number of cartons of expensive imported smokes.

Not long thereafter, sniffing around the practice grounds, the avatar yipped in glee, blessing its good fortune. It had picked up the Hyuuga girl's scent. It was fairly fresh. Jumping over logs and crawling under bushes, it finally poked its furry snout through one small thicket. _There!_ The girl. With her teacher. They were taking a breather near a group of tall bushy shrubs.

"**_Ohh-h-h-h-h-h-h-h!"_** The fox imitated one of Rock Lee's excited utterances perfectly. "Naruto, I cannot believe that you have become so experienced."

"Well Lee, if I'm going to be Hokage some day, I need to be good at _everything_ I do. If you know what I mean." The laughter was a dead ringer for Naruto's jovial laugh. "It's good to learn as many jutsus as possible. But, it's a lot more fun to get training in bouncy bouncy! Hah, the damn perverted hermit would go nuts if I told him."

"**_Ahhhh-h-h-h-h_**… I am so jealous," Lee's voice said.

"Hey! Save off those damn eyebrows, and you might have a chance. The girls in our group may seem like nice girls; but, in reality, most of them are sluts. So are the girls in the two classes behind ours."

"Do you think that I could get lucky with Sakura, too?" Lee's voice asked, raising an octave. "I'll always… you know…"

"_Sure!"_ Naruto's voice answered. "She's the biggest slut of them all. All it took was a box of chocolates and a couple of carnations. Wham bam thank you mam!" That was followed by loud chuckling. "Not as sweet as Ino or Ten Ten, though. Oh. Don't tell Neji that last part. He'd kill me. Ten Ten was almost as good as Shizune." He went on to comment on a number of the genin girls. From its brief time in the Girl's Dorm, the avatar had caught sight of a number of unique tattoos. That information came in handy.

"**_Oooo-oo-oo-ooh_**… I wish that I could have trained with the Frog Hermit!" Lee's voice sounded downcast fro a moment. "You mentioned all of the girls in our group except Hinata. How about _her?"_

"Hinata? Shit!" The Naruto voice sounded like it was spitting. "If you dressed a tree stump up in a dress, it would look better than that shy, dark weirdo. I guess I could put a bag over her head. That would be kind of kinky!" The fox had to fight to keep from laughing in its own voice. "But, if she's anything like that Kurenai woman, she'll be a real cold fish. I already crossed that bitch off my list."

"But, don't you know that she really likes you?" The Lee voice asked. "She might even agree to go out with you, even if she finds out that you have the Nine-Tailed Fox sealed inside of you. Ten Ten already knew that, after the mission against Akatsuki."

"Hey! Future Hokage, remember? I can' afford to scrape the bottom of the barrel." The Naruto voice laughed. "But, if she got down naked on all fours, and barked like a dog for me, I might toss her a bone or two. Heh heh heh…"

The Kyuubi avatar was quite pleased with itself. Things were going splendidly. The boy might be able to win back some trust, and regain some friendships; but, his life would be a smoking wreckage when it was through. Traipsing along the forest paths, it happened upon Lee, Ten Ten, and Neji. _"Next!"_

"You actions don't seem wise," the avatar said in Shino's voice. "You will end up with many people hating you."

"**No way!"** It answered in Naruto's voice. "People are generally stupid. If they think you have a good eye and a kind heart, they will forgive you for anything." He laughed. "All I need to do is tell everyone that my head wound had me acting crazy!"

"Shit! Maybe I should try that some time." That was said in Kiba's voice. "Don't worry, Shino and I won't tell anyone. But be careful that Hinata doesn't overhear you. She's still training out here with Kurenai."

"Doesn't matter if she does," the Naruto voice claimed. "She dotes on me. Anything I want, she'll do. I've even gotten her hooked on S&M, if you can believe that! But whatever you do, don't let that slip to Neji. He'd kill me. Or, his uncle would."

"You've got that right. You dog you!" Kiba's voice was followed by a perfect imitation of Akamaru's bark. "If any of the girls were still a virgin, I would have guessed her."

"He's probably lying," the Shino voice said.

"How much you wanna bet?" The Naruto voice asked. "How about a month's worth of Ramen lunch? I've got it all on videotape. You should see the one where she's whipping my ass like I'm a dog. No offense, Akamaru." That was followed by a series of barks.

"Yeh! Talking about pictures. Do you have any more for sale?" Kiba's voice went lower.

"Nah. Not yet. I should have some good ones of Ten Ten and the genins next week. Primo shower scene! Better not let your sister stumble across that kind of stuff!" The Naruto voice laughed again. "I learned a _lot_ training with two of the Leaf's biggest perverts."

"Does Lee ever buy any of your photographs?" The Shino voice asked.

"I always wondered if he was kind of light in the loafers, if you know what I mean." Kiba's voice sighed. "He spends so much time with Gai."

"Don't get me started on Lee and Gai!" Naruto's voice said. "He's a loser teaching a bunch of other losers. He's not cool like Kakashi-sensei. Kakashi says that both Lee and Gai have a big case of man love for each other. When I mentioned to that to the guys who draw up original manga, they thought it would make a real good series. Coming soon to an adult book store near you!"

The fox decide to cut and run at that point. It had been so caught up in its rabble rousing, that it had forgotten one point. If the jounin and chuunin all got together to complain about Naruto, their stories didn't overlap. Each of them would deny saying the things that they were heard saying. Maybe that wasn't such a danger after all. If everything panned out, they would all end up distrusting one another.

"I can't miss the next show!" The Kyuubi avatar wanted to be at the hospital when the next group of unhappy people descended like locusts upon the idiot boy.

When the little creature showed up at the hospital, peering around the wooden patch they had placed on the broken window, it saw the Hokage standing in the room with Naruto. Damn! It had missed the fireworks from that chesty woman. Very carefully, it pushed in the small plank, which had only been attached by tape.

"It looks like you'll get released tonight," Tsunade said. "But, it might be safer keeping you somewhere secret, considering how many people are willing to lynch you now." That had the fox's tongue hanging out of its mouth as it laughed a very pleased laugh. "The safest place would be Anko's." It was a very timely joke. Someone could be heard sneezing just before she walked into the room.

"Guess again," Anko said, walking into the room. She was holding a whip. "This is the only one left intact." The jounin's face was even scarier than it had been outside of the Forest of Death, at the start of the outdoor portion of the chuunin exams. "It seems that our busy little intruder couldn't leave well enough alone." She snapped the whip. The fox almost cried in happiness. Naruto almost wet the bed.

"Anko, he…" The Hokage wasn't able to get her words out.

"A whip, Anko?" That was Kurenai, walking into the room dragging a very pale looking Hinata. The younger girl couldn't look over at Naruto. _"Good!_ I knew that your hobbies would come in handy some day! I was going to ask you to teach Asuma a lesson for me; but, I have a more appropriate target in mind."

"Hey, Hinata!" Naruto said, feeling a bit queasy. Why did she look like that? Had the fox done something to her too? "What's wrong?"

"What's wrong?" Kureani looked like a storm cloud ready to release a deluge. **_"What's wrong!"_** She took out a pair of kunei. "It was bad enough you called me a cold fish when you didn't know I was listening. But to say those things about Hinata, knowing how big a crush she has on you."

"Crush?" Naruto's mouth fell open. "Hinata? _Me?"_

"N-Naruto-kun…" Hinata buried her face into Kurenai's side, fighting back tears.

"Hinata!" That was Neji. He looked more like an avenger than Sasuke ever had. "I know why you're crying. Naruto will not get away with it. I can't believe that I thought highly of him."

**_Ahhhh-h-h-h-h!"_** Lee stood in the door, his face a mask of anger. No one could ever remember seeing him look like that. "I am ashamed to be from the same village as you. To think that you would videotape such terrible intimate acts with Hinata, and offer them up to Kiba."

"Lee!" Ten Ten smacked Lee over the head with her weapons bag. _"Shhhh._ You idiot!"

"Hinata?" Anko smiled and held the whip out to the trembling girl. "Want to use this?" She scratched her head after Hinata keeled over, fainting and falling.

"If everyone would…" Tsunade still couldn't get a word in edgewise.

"Is he in there?" An angry middle-aged voice could be heard above the general hubbub. "Is that thief in there?" One of the managers from the book and video store wandered in. His claims had Ten Ten and Lee scrambling to search the room while Naruto shouted out his innocence, swearing that a small demon fox was responsible for everything.

"Is he talking about that fox again, Tsunade?" Shizune pushed her way into the room carrying Naruto's chart. She was supposed to be working on his discharge summary. She reached into her pocket, and took out a syringe, a capped needle, and a vial of sedative. That had the fox licking its lips in anticipation.

"Found something!" Ten Ten held up the copy of _'Horny Hospital Hotties.'_ That had Shizune's eyes narrowing. Sakura, who fought through the crowd after arriving in a huff, shook her fist at Naruto after seeing the hentai manga.

"It's _that_ kind of stuff that has you bragging about things that never happened!" She had to be restrained by the Hokage, who was only barely a match for her in strength these days. "Saying I'm a slut! Telling people that you and I… you know! How could you!"

"What's this?" Lee asked, holding up the remnant of one of Anko's whips.

"If he manages to live, he's a dead man!" That was Asuma. He was carefully shielding the last pack of cigarettes he had, expressly ignoring the 'No Smoking' signs hung about the hospital. The avatar smiled. It liked to see rules broken. It couldn't wait to see Uzumaki Naruto broken.

"Don't worry, Hinata" Ten Ten whispered to her friend, who was sitting up after regaining consciousness. "If I have to torture Naruto, I'll get back all of the tapes showing you two having sex. I'll work on Neji, so he doesn't tell your father."

"**Eep!"** With that little squeak, Hinata fainted again.

"Ever castrate a man?" Anko asked Kurenai.

"Don't start without me!" Ino made her way into the room.

"Hokage!" Uzuki Yugao joined the crowd, taking off her ANBU mask. She was joined by a squad of her fellow Black Ops ninja. "I apologize! We heard about the intruder in your office. I hope the council members do not think anything inappropriate." She looked over at Naruto, putting her mask back on. "We are ready to take the perpetrator into custody at your command."

The Kyuubi avatar was so dizzy with happiness that it almost stepped off of its small perch. Things were going better than it ever had a right to hope for. _Foxes rule!_

Everyone started talking and shouting at once. Naruto slid under his covers. Hinata was led over to an empty bed behind the partition. Tsunade kept trying to hush everyone without success.

"**BE QUIET! ALL OFF YOU. THE NEXT ONE WHO SPEAKS WILL END UP WORKING WITH THE SEWER CREW!"**

The room went dead quiet after the Hokage's shout.

"_It's about time!"_ Naruto said, hands on his lips, lip stuck out.

"I meant everyone," Tsunade said. "You've got a strong back. You're not afraid of walking around in dark tunnels filled with sewage, are you?"

Naruto pantomimed zipping his lips shut.

"It seems that we all owe Naruto an apology," Tsunade said. "Especially _me_, as much as it hurts me to admit it." She shook her head, frowning. "He was telling the truth all along. It wasn't until I thought to review the film from the hospital security cameras that I realized what was going on."

"Oh shit!" The fox froze. _"Busted!"_ Now what was it going to do. No more mischief would work. All of its hard work would go for naught. Worst of all, it would be extremely difficult getting back inside that boy's body.

Prompted by some unconscious discovery, Neji performed Byakugan. Silently, he pointed to the window.

"Huh?" Naruto scratched his head and then nodded. Smiling, he called out. "You out there, Stumpy?" He reclined back on his bed, hands behind his neck. "Want to come in and introduce yourself?"

"**F-ck you!"** The Kyuubi avatar said, rebellious to the very end. "You were _all_ a bunch of saps!" There was the sound of a struggle. "**_Le_**… **_me_**… **_go!"_**

The window broke inwardly this time, as a group of Naruto clones pulled each other into the room. Glass tinkled across the floor, and the clones disappeared one by one as the little fox-form bit them savagely.

"Here… let _me_…" Anko grabbed the fox firmly by the ruff, holding a wickedly sharp knife to its neck. Looking the startled fox in the eyes, she purred "Make my day…"

The fox voided its bladder. Despite that fact, it looked at Anko, stars in its eyes. "I… I… I love you…" The darkness in that woman was so alluring!

"How sweet," Anko said. "Was the fox speaking for _you_, Naruto?" She smiled, seeing her joke have its intended effect. Naruto spasmed, knocking over an IV pole, hitting Tsunade in the head with it. "What should I do with this thing?"

"I'll take care of it," the Hokage said, rubbing her head before lacing her fingers together and cracking her knuckles. "It's a little small; but, I've always wanted a fur stole."

"**Eek!"** This time, it was the Kyuubi avatar that fainted.

One by one, the assembled shinobi and merchants all paid their respects to Naruto, offering him apologies and hopes that he would be back in tip top shape as soon as possible.

"You can keep the manga!" The store manager said as he left.

"Uhhh…" Naruto reached his hand out to the man.

"**_I don't think so!"_** Shizune, Sakura, and Kureani all spoke up at once. They grabbed the book and threw it in the trash. Asuma brushed it off and slipped it inside of his vest on his way out.

Kurenai walked over to help Hinata, who finally felt well enough to walk. She blushed mightily, looking over at Naruto.

"Crush." Naruto muttered under his breath, swallowing hard. He rubbed his eyes. Not that he looked closer, she _was_ pretty cute.

"Well, Hinata. Would you like lessons on how to handle a man?" Anko grinned, looking over at Naruto. "Or Naruto?"

"Ummm…" Hinata looked unsteady on her feet again. Kurenai gave Anko a scathing look.

"This will be a good start." Anko handed Hinata the whip. "It's a gift. _Enjoy!"_ With that, she left.

"Here, why don't you come and sit down a bit." Shizune motioned to Kurenai, who left with errands to attend to. "You've had a bit of excitement today, haven't you?" She reached out to take Hinata's pulse. It was racing.

"Not as much as me!" Naruto said, folding his arms across his chest. Hmmmpppfff! Why was Hinata getting all of the attention now? He wanted to get out of this place. "Hurry and check me out, Shizune. I want to get home."

Naruto suddenly felt dizzy. Before he knew it, three whisps of orange chakra made their way out of him. They all solidified into foxes.

"I'll get Tsunade!" Shizune said.

"Oh great!" Naruto worked the hand seals for Kage Bunshin.

"You won't catch us, loser!" One of the foxes said.

"We need a new trick this time," one of the other avatars said. It smiled, looking at a shocked Hinata.

"I know just the thing," the third fox said. It had spoken in Hinata's voice.

"Here we go again," Naruto said, sending his clones after the escaping foxes.

Hinata slid out of her chair.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

THE END


	5. Epilogue

The sun was shining brightly that day.

Things were going just great. There was reason for Naruto to be marching down the street, whistling happily.

"It's like a rainbow after a storm," he told himself. "Or a bonus bowl of noodles!" He waved the objects clutched in one fist. "Almost as good as a new jutsu…"

A strong breeze swirled around him, causing his pennants to flutter and dance on the wind. The orange furry tails looked so innocent by themselves, almost seeming cute with their bright white tips.

"Nasty little bastards got what was coming to them," Naruto said, feeling a growing sense of satisfaction. The three Kyuubi avatars had caused their share of havoc; but, it was all irritating mischief, even though the events would require a number of people to make some effort at cleaning up their reputations.

Much like the first fox, the other three needed to return to Kyuubi to renew their strength. That was not possible, once the Hokage and others were convinced of Naruto's claims. Working with Jiraiya, who had turned up unannounced, Tsunade was able to repair the Seal placed by Yondaime. After that, with no connection to the youma, the foxes were little more than animals.

"_Hey!_ Shikamaru!" Naruto saw his friend walking with a group of genin.

"Naruto," Shikamaru said, sighing. "Maybe you shouldn't stand so close to me."

"Huh?" Naruto scratched his head with one of the lone sticks holding a fox tail. "Oh! I heard about that from Choji." Naruto made a face. "Everyone must know the truth by now."

"I hope so," the other boy said. "That wasn't the only trouble that you caused me." He looked up at the clouds, wishing he could lounge around that day.

"**What?"** Naruto frowned, rubbing at his nose. His eyes widened. "Hey! You mean those demon foxes. Just because they had my memory, doesn't mean that_ I'm_ responsible. I never asked to have that stupid demon in my belly!" He cocked his head. "What happened?"

"It was rather bothersome," Shikamaru said. "Ino came over to apologize, for what she had thought about me. One of the foxes must have followed her. It did a very good imitation of Temari, shouting out coarse words in the middle of… ecstasy…"

"You devil, you!" Naruto punched his friend's arm, joking. He smiled. The three foxes had decided to get as many people in trouble as possible. There hadn't been as many Naruto-related con jobs this time around. _"See ya!"_

As Naruto continued on down the street, he happened upon a good idea. He was definitely going to keep one of the tail pennants for himself. But, why not give the other two trophies to the two friends of his that suffered the most at the hands of those damn avatars?

Passing by one wooded area, he came across a dejected looking Shino. _"Hey!_ Shino! What's up?"

"Ahhh, Naruto. I'm very busy. I need to restore a number of lines." Shino had a large wire cage with him.

"_Lines?"_ Naruto looked perplexed.

"Yes," Shino said, light reflecting off of his dark glasses. "One of the foxes must have imitated my voice, calling an exterminator. The man thought that my house was infested by insect pests. Before my family realized what was happening, he had begun fumigating." He shook his head wearily. "A few species were depopulated drastically."

"**Wow!"** Naruto mentally wrote Shino down as someone who might deserve a fox tail. "That really sucks. But, at least they won't be pulling any more pranks." He shook his pennants. _"Good luck!"_ He hoped that Shino wouldn't somehow hold him responsible.

The next of his friends he happened upon was Sakura. She was headed to the medical center, carrying her medical ninja outfit. "Sakura-chan! _Hey!_ Sakura-chan!"

"Oh, it's _you_." Sakura looked at the fox tails and clenched her teeth. "Those are the last things that I want to see."

"Huh? They get you too?" Naruto almost felt a sense of glee. He knew he shouldn't. Sakura and the others were his friends. But, after all that he had been through, it was almost fun to see that other people had a chance to realize what he had faced.

"**I _don't_ want to talk about it!"** Sakura walked faster. Naruto rushed to catch up.

"Come on, Sakura-chan. It would be better if you told me. I could just ask Shizune or Old Lady Tsunade." Naruto stopped. Sakura stopped too, hanging her head.

"It's probably all over town," the pink-haired girl said, dejected. "One or more of the damn foxes ran through the medical wards, calling out in my voice: 'Haruno Sakura… medical prostitute… ten dollars and I'll cure all that ails you…' I don't want to think about what happened when I started doing round with Shizune."

"Really?" Naruto said. "I can't believe that." He smiled. He couldn't help himself. "Only ten dollars? That's a good deal!" Oooppphhh. The air rushed out of him following a jackhammer blow to the gut. "I was… I was… I was just joking, Sakura-chan." Sitting on the ground now, he watched as the girl stormed off.

It certainly seemed like the stupid Kyuubi avatars had gotten their money's worth while they could. Naruto picked himself off, brushed off some dirt, and went looking for more acquaintances.

Each of his friends had some tale of woe to tell. Akamaru had run off, after hearing the fox speak in Kiba's voice: 'Akamaru just isn't cute anymore. I think it's time to have him stuffed and put on the mantelpiece.' A number of mishaps had left Choji _persona non grata_ in all of the Konoha snack shops and beef restaurants. The avatars had been able to work the phone system. Lee had gotten a phone call he thought was from Sakura, saying to meet her in a certain place. When he showed up, he was surrounded by visiting carny folks… pushed out on stage before a huge crowd… and announced as the _Amazing Eyebrow Boy_, part of the Freak Show.

"Neji and Ten Ten should have known better," Naruto said as he strolled along. "Well… maybe not," The two of them had thought that the first fox had been captured. It had. But, they were unaware that a little more of Kyuubi had been able to escape in the form of three additional creatures.

Neji had gotten a phone call from Ten Ten. Ten Ten had gotten a call from Neji. Or so it had seemed. When they met in a secluded restaurant and shared one of their secret kisses, they had no warning that they were being televised live as part of a reality TV show.

The list went on and on. Feeling a bit hungry, Naruto headed off for his favorite eatery. On the way, he caught sight of Hinata. She was struggling under the weight of a large cardboard box.

"_Oi!_ Hinata-chan!" Naruto ran over to offer her a hand. Creating a clone, he saddled it with the job of carrying the box. "What's up? That box is too big for you."

"Naruto-kun…" Hinata blushed. "It's… ummm…" She looked unsteady on her feet again. That had Naruto wondering if she needed a pair of corrective shoes or something.

"Hey. You're blushing, Hinata-chan.." Naruto rested the pennants sticks on his shoulder. From a distance, they might look like fishing poles with fish handing from them. "Was it true what Kurenai said the other day… _you know_…" He still wasn't the most tactful young man. He should know better than to ask Hinata if she really had a crush on him.

"Well… I…" Hinata couldn't get the words out.

"That's alright," Naruto said. "You can tell me later. So, did those bastard foxes do anything to get you in trouble, Hinata-chan?"

"Yes," Hinata said. "A _lot _of things." She was feeling too shy to volunteer any of the particulars. She looked over at the box again and blushed a second time. She stumbled, not paying attention to where she stepped. She almost passed out when Naruto caught her. 'We're so close. He's touching me.' Her thoughts thundered inside her head.

"_Geeez!_ I'm going to have to complain to Kurenai," Naruto said. "I bet she's taught you a lot of stuff. But, shouldn't she have taught you to walk first?" He laughed at his own joke. "**Whoops!"** The clone he made disappeared long before he expected it too. The effect of the jutsus performed on his Seal must have affected him more than he thought. "I'll get it…"

"Wait!" Hinata rushed to grab the box before Naruto could. Bending over, they both butted heads, falling to their rumps. 'Our faces were so close,' Hinata thought, rubbing her head. She gasped. _"Don't look!"_

The box had landed on its side and opened. Some of the items it contained had spilled out onto the street.

"_Hmmmm?"_ Shouting 'don't look' to Naruto was like walking naked into a cannibal convention… wearing a red apron around a bull… or opening a bag of chips around Choji. He immediately stood up and walked over to the box. "Hyuuga Hinata…"

"It's… they're not… I didn't…" Hinata went pale this time. "The foxes…"

The box contained an exotic collection of propeller pasties, edible lingerie, slinky night clothes, leather and chain goods, and sex toys. A number of passersby put their hand over their children's eyes, or walked closer to see what was going on.

"They look like such a normal couple," one old woman said to her crone-like friend.

"Looks can be deceiving." The wizened companion replied.

Naruto gathered up the items and put them in the box. His hands trembled as he did so. It was one thing to look at the occasional naughty magazine. It was another thing to accompany the Ero-Sennin when he made his special rounds. But, it was altogether different to be touching that kind of thing in broad daylight, in the middle of a busy thoroughfare!

Naturally, to make himself feel more comfortable, he deflected his embarrassment to someone else. "So… did you get those because you like me…" Naruto knew that Hinata couldn't have possibly done something like that.

"**Naruto-kun!"** Hinata brought her hand to her mouth.

"I'm just joking, Hinata-chan." He coughed, looking down at the box again and then over at Hinata. It really was a surreal situation, standing there with such a sweet girl, holding a box of X-rated stuff.

"Hinata!" That was a very familiar voice. "_There_ you are, Hinata! I sent Shino and Kiba to look for you. The practice session has been moved to the early evening." It was Kurenai.

Both Naruto and Hinata froze. Beads of sweat formed on Naruto's forehead, as if he was standing in the middle of the Sand's hottest desert. Hinata's hands began twitching.

"Is there something wrong?" Kurenai asked. "Did I catch you two in a private moment?" She raised one eyebrow, wondering if her accidental blurting out of Hianta's secret might have ended up having a positive effect. She noticed the way that Hinata kept looking at the box. "What's in there? Doing an errand for Tsunade or something?" She knew that Naruto had been secluded with the Hokage and Frog hermit for a good bit of the morning. She grinned, seeing the fox tail pennants that Naruto had.

"Well…" Naruto was very tempted to say 'yes, I was moving some stuff out of her office for her.' But, that would have gotten him in real trouble. "Hinata was struggling with her box… so I decided to help her…" He felt like a coward. But, he was not going to take credit for that box, whether or not the jounin ever found out what was inside.

"Hinata?" Kurenai narrowed her eyes. There was something fishing going on. She knew Hinata well enough to know all of her facial expressions and body language.

"It's n-nothing important…" Hinata felt dizzy again. "N-Naruto-kun is being a gentleman…"

"Well, that's reason enough to be surprised," Kurenai said. She decided not to press the matter. "I won't hold you two up any longer."

"**Whew!"** Naruto said, with a long explosion of breath.

"Yes," Hinata said, handing Naruto a cloth to wipe his brow with.

"So, the foxes set you up, right?" Naruto felt as if everyone he passed somehow knew what was in the box. "What did they do? Phone in a delivery or something?"

Hinata nodded, rubbing her fingers together. "They called the shop in my voice, giving my name." She stumbled again. "The package was addressed to my father, with the invoice having my name."

"**_Holy shit!"_** Naruto didn't even realize that he swore. His mouth fell open with an audible snap. "And he opened the package?"

""Y-Yes…" Hinata blushed. "Hanabi was there, too."

"_Ouch!"_ Naruto looked at Hinata with sympathy. "Here, you definitely get one of these." He handed her a fox pennant, explaining why he was giving her one. "I hope that he believe you when you explained things."

"Ummm… I think so…" Hinata swallowed hard.

"Oh. Then those guys with the white eyes who are following us are _not_ spies of your father. It wouldn't be good if they saw us walking together, after that stuff spilled out…" He kept a straight face.

"**Eep!"** Hinata spun around, hand at her mouth.

"My mistake," Naruto laughed.

"_Naruto-kun!"_ Hinata exclaimed. "You're… you're so…"

"Amazing? Funny? _Sexy?"_ He just had to throw that last one in there. It was a lot more fun teasing Hinata than he would ever have imagined.

"**_Mean!"_** Hinata said, louder than she had intended.

"That's true," Naruto said smiling. "But, only with people I like." He watched as Hinata blushed yet again. "So would you like to keep one? Hang it on your pennant?" He shook the box, causing some of the chains to rattle inside.

Hinata didn't answer. She stopped, the color leaving her face again. They had reached her destination. _The Whipping Post_.

"Well, aren't you going to go in?" Naruto asked, handing the box over to Hinata. She struggled to hold the box and pennant at the same time.

Hinata looked as if she had been carved from a solid block of ice. Her eyes widened when she saw what some of the storefront manikins were wearing. She closed her eyes when she read some of the titles on the movie posters.

"Here, I'll do it for you." Naruto's kind spirit came to the rescue again. "You stay out here."

"Thank you," Hinata said, her eyes full of wonder. It was as if he had asked her on a date or proposed. Even though he might joke around a lot, Naruto had a heart of gold!

"OK," Naruto said when he walked out. "Next time we go in together."

He smiled when Hinata dropped her fox tail.


End file.
